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Presentation with JIMS Kalkaji. Kindly contact JIMS KALKAJI helpdesk for my presentation. Since it was paid session, therefore presentation rights with them. 

 

My Golden Grandfather

 

My Golden Grandfather

I met my grandfather after his death. He came in my house as Lizard and he looked so cute.

Then after few days I realized he will be my lifelong companion as his status in heaven is of Criminal.

When in heaven I saw the list of Criminals , I was shocked. The Criminals name had all Business House Chairman, Politicians of the globe.

As granddaughter I felt very bad because my family back in Britain were spending billion of bucks on his funeral and after death ceremonies.

WHAT I DID

I DID SMALL POOJA AT THE GHATS OF HARDWAR ( HOLY TOWN IN INDIA) AND THEN I TOOK THE CHARGE OF LORD BRAHMA AND GODDESS SARASWATI, CHANGED THE LAWS OF HEAVEN FOR GODS THAT GOOD DEEDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED ONLY BY FAMILY.

I TRASFERRED A LOT OF MY GOOD DEEDS TO HIM. TODAY HE IS IN HEAVEN ENJOYING THE LIFE OF KING. HE GOT THE POWER OF KING WITHOUT ANY CRIMINAL RECORD.

IF I AM SO INTELLIGENT HOW CAN I BE UNEDUCATED AS SHOWN BY MY ENEMIES.

AFTER DEATH I WILL TAKE REVENGE FROM MY ENEMIES WHICH INCLUDES MY HUSBAND.

MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN MISTREATING ME AND HAD BEEN MISUING HIS POSITION AGAINST ME . HIS PROSTITUTES HAS BALLS TO LOOK AT ME, TOUCH ME.

BEING PART OF GODS FRATERNITY ONE CAN NOT TAKE REVENGE FROM HUSBAND BECAUSE THEN THE EARTH STOPS REVOLVING, THE LIFE BECOMES LIFELESS.

HOW TO CHANGE HUSBAND ?

Is there solution and I am trying my best to find answer to this question. Divorce is one answer.

Soon To Be Divorced – Goddess Laxmi & Goddess Saraswati

Sounds weird ?? not so weird when I run the heaven.

LOOKING FOR HUSBAND

1.       Preferably from Royal family, must be stinking rich, educated, good looking and without criminal record

So if you quality these terms then connect with us. Come and Become the part of GODS Fraternity !

Good Day !  

Get Hired By Facebook

Today in ET Panache "9 Trick Questions that Facebook wants applicants to Answer " caught our attention !

So all you guys who are applying for a job at Facebook here's is the guide ( kunji). read & learn before you appear for interview at Facebook.  

Q1. Describe the personality of an executive that you would not want to work for again ? 
Ans Top 10 business houses of any country are into Child & human trafficking & they supply to politicians of their respective country. So we would never like to work for a person who earned the money by bribing administrative authorities in kind & cash.

Q2. How would build Facebook for blind person.?
Ans By hiring a blind product manager ! technology - Braille & dedicate to Louise Braille !

Q3  If you were in Q&A with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, what would you ask him ? And Why ?
Ans3 " Whats the score" ? Because Facebook is fun social media tool so we are not gonna get into serious discussion, 

Q4 Is there anything you hate doing ?
Ans4  Yeah Sitting idle & abusing people in "Hindi" ! 

Q5. We pride ourselves on a great work -and-home life balance. How much balance would you feel you needed in order to be happy in both the places ?
Ans 5 50:50 ( Britannia Crackers biscuits)

Q6 How would your colleagues describe you ?
Ans6. Hot, Beautiful, intelligent, Sec C ( not the Trigonometry one).

Q7 How do you deal with communicating less than favorable information ?
Ans7 Ask someone else to read it.

Q8. Estimate the no. of airports in US.?
Ans Tell us the no. of state in US so no. of state= no. of airport.

Q9 If you were an animal what kind would you be and why ?
Ans 9 We would be " Lion" the king of jungle ! & want our people to be like rabbit " beautiful & vegetarian" ! 

Get Devotional ! Install "Devotional Book" app for free by clicking the link Below ! 

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.Mypeepal.devotionalbook&hl=en

Funniest Answers By The Blogger !

Q1. Are You Married ?

Ans1 Not With You :)

Q2. Tell Me Something About Yourself ?
Ans2 " Something" is not in my dictionary.

Q3. Why You Want To Leave Your Current Job ?
Ans3. So That I Can Join You.

Q4. Where Do You See Yourself After 10 Years ?
Ans4. In United States as Billionaire !

Q5. Who Is Your Fav Actor ?
Ans5. You

Q6. If You are driving & your car meets with an accident & in workshop you have to change color of your car what would you say to your parents ?
Ans Change is Color of Life ( Check out KMB's & M uncles Life)

Q7. If You meet GOD What would You Say
Ans End The World. Too Many Bad People. I feel Suffocated.

Q8. What would be the 1st brand name you would like to launch ?
Ans If In India it would be "Free" "Free" "Free" "Free.com" where everything would be paid.

Q9. If you would have to slap one person who that would be & Why ?
Ans Ambanis. Bcoz wastage of money brings gloom.

Q10. Whom You Love The Most & Why ?
Ans Myself bcoz I am The Best.

Q11. When You Get Upset what You Do ?
And I Hog

Q12. Which is the most important thing to carry in personality ?
Ans Ego

Q13 Are You Egoistic
Ans 100%

Q14What Money Cant Buy
Ans Me

Q15 What Money Can Buy
Ans You

Q16 Who Is Your Best Pal 
Ans Maa Durga

Q17 Describe Yourself In One Word
Ans Fearless

Q18 Define Scary
Ans A Shady Character

Q 19 Which Place You Belong To ?
Ans Earth

Q20 Why Earth Revolves ?
Ans To Stay In Shape. To Stay Fit.

Q21 Define Love
And Love is brainless just like Indian Movies

Q22 If You have to choose between Lord Shiva & Lord Vishnu, Whom would you choose ?
Ans Pass

Q23. Do You Think You are beautiful ?
Ans  That You Have To Tell Me.

Q24. Salman Or Shahrukh
Ans Salman

Q25 Who Is Your Fav Politician ?
Ans Myself, Barack & You !

Q26 Android Or Windows
Ans Satya(M) Sundar(M)

Q27 Handshake Or Namaste
Ans Shake 

Q28 Best Compliment You Ever Received ?
Ans I am  beauty with brain

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Women’s Day – Tribute to all Women

PRANK – 5 alphabets 1 word -  but has changed many lives or I would say have annoyed many people.  When I was a kid I was a prankster.. I use to get sadistic pleasure in annoying people especially my elders like my teachers/parents. My parents use to feel that one day they have to marry their daughter & she has to go to someone else house…bla bla bla ….so let her enjoy life the way she wants to.. which was quite encouraging as I use to play pranks without any fear. So here are the lists of pranks

1.       When I was in class VIII - on the eve of Holi I reached school an hour before the school timing. I took all the colors and had put on blades of fan so when the teacher came, she asked the class “ why the fan is switched off ? Monitor please switch on the fan” I got up and switched on the fan and Madam became colorful….. She stopped teaching and put the whole glass in ground with hands up J

2.       Class IX – I had not prepared for the weekly test so I thought what should I do so that the exam gets postponed… Well well.. Lot of thinking ( I wish if I would have thought about study then I would not have to plan all the crap which I was planning to) so I went to jungle which was behind my school and searched for itching plant. My friend had told me that there is an itching plant in the jungle and the moment you touch the plant your whole body starts itching. I took the plant and put it in my handkerchief &  when I reached school during recess I put the plant inside everyones desk. The moment children  got back to their desk and put their hand inside the desk they started itching and in the few minutes it had spread to the whole body. Parents were called and the children were given a half day leave…. Ya ya hooo… I wish I could have captured “yahoooo” the brand and today I would have been billionaire !! ooppy

3.       BSC1st yr – We had a group of 4 girls and we never use to allow any outsider to enter our gang…. Close knit group… you guys can't even imagine how we use to make fun of guys …. For us men were second class citizen … no where near us ( Didn’t know that one day one man will woo us for life)…. Well we always use to call the guys to PVR for movie and never use to turn up ! And it happened with so many guys, so many times that even we had lost count….  by 3^rd year we were known as “Don’t mess with them” group…. Poor boys….. I still pity them J

4.       AFWWA hostel – My friend Ashi and myself planned this prank quite well… I switched off the main electricity point and my friend Ashi started shouting “Snake Snake”…. My warden rushed to the toilet as Ashi voice was coming from toilet…… he asked his buddy ( the helper ) to switch on the light.. but since light was off they could not do anything… he ran to his room, got the torch and he could see some black thing on the rope.. For a moment even he thought it was a snake and called up Airforce emergency services…. But the moment he put the light on the black thing he found out that it was “black lingerie” and he was shocked….. you  won't believe guys we had laugh of a lifetime…. I still remember warden - WgCdr Rastogi facial expression !!

5.       One of the organization – I took my colleague phone, replaced his dads & house number with my number and sent him a text saying “ Dad is unwell, please come home”. He frantically called home number and my phone rang… I disconnected his call… he kept calling but I didn’t pick up… he thought its emergency and that’s the reason family is not picking up the phone… he told his boss that he has to leave for home and he got half day leave… next day when he came to office, he was so very upset but then we treated him for lunch and made him smile….

There are many such incidents in my life but the above are the most hilarious ones… Now things are different… I feel  our role play is defined by the nature… when we are in school our role play is to study, make friends, innocence, fun… when we are in college our role play changes, we party, we make boyfriends/girlfriends, go on a date, enthusiasm, aggression…. When we join work ( corporate life).. We play the role play of serious professional -attitude, manipulation, politics, ego massaging, handling different characters… so our role play differs from one phase of life to another phase and it also differs from relationship we share with people… We have different role play as daughter, mother, wife, daughter in law, friend, colleague… etc etc.…

Well on this women's day I wanted to share mischievous part of myself with all my readers.. With straight face there are many emotions hidden inside and it is visible only to near ones… We women are strong, high headed and know our potential… Give respect to woman and show that you are “real man”, “superman” He Man” of our lives!